Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Doing the Yo-Yo Belief System - First Premonitory Dream

Welcome to all!

My purpose in developing this blog is simple. Share what I have learnt about life and death before I take the big plunge. But more so in the hope that I can learn from readers. Also, it's an exploration of all sorts of possibilities, hence the ... What If?

Ever since I was a little girl, I had been wondering what is THE purpose of our life, mine in particular. But at age 16, I completely lost my faith after a painful experience with a priest, which I don't feel the need to disclose. This was followed by more than 20 years of atheism, which I felt freed me of "superstition".

Then, within the short span of 6 months, I faced a number of very difficult events in my life, namely my 17 year old son joining the army (against my advice), my father's death and the subsequent estrangement from my mother, the breakup of my marriage and finally the loss of my home. Real doozies! At one point, I was so despondent that I decided to end my life. A dear friend sensed my crisis and intervened just in the nick of time. She was a deeply religious woman and BEGGED me to pray. I did.

Remembering the fervour of my childhood days, I finally knelt down in tears and begged (it was my turn to...) for faith, recalling the advice that faith as little as a grain of mustard could move mountains. And I definitely was facing a mountain that obscured any view of a possible path in my life, beginning from scratch at 37 with two children to raise alone. For the sake of clarity, let me state that all these events had come entirely from left field. Nothing had ever transpired that even remotely could have prepared me for all THAT!

Since the age of 5, I've had premonitory dreams. Dreams that I clearly recall to this day. However, it was only in retrospect, and much much later in life, that I finally recognized that these were warning me of portentous events to come. In June, I'd had a dream that I first interpreted as a read on current political unrest, but later recognized as a warning of my marriage breakup and my grievous losses and a later move to Florida at the beginning of October.

My first premonitory dream had been at age 5. I still remember it as if was from last night. It was very frightening. In it I was in the shed where there was a strange contraption made of a wood slide down which water was running. At the low end was a set of rollers such as those on an old type washer. From my position at the high end, I was pushed down and could not fight the water gurgling down at a fast rate. As I was taken inexorably towards the crushing rollers, I couldn't even try to fight against the destination. I felt myself being crushed between the rollers and emerged on the other side flattened to the size of a dime. Dreams and astrology often coincide in symbols and meaning. Water is related to the emotions. Being taken down by water without any means of escape foresaw emotionally turbulent and inescapable years of hardship. I did find this out in time, as when I looked at my childhood and teenage years, I was often crushed by the events in the early years of my life. An extremely difficult number of years in dire poverty, violence erupting in the home on a regular and devastating basis as a result my father's drinking. 

PS. I'm still working on the colour scheme and having difficulties. I'll continue attempting to fix it.


Me and My Dog said...

Congratulations on your new blog. I'm looking forward to following along.

Dixxe said...

We have a lot in common, our early years sound very similar--Alcoholism took my father at 53! Such a wonderful man trapped by an addiction that made life hard for all us who depended on him. I have vivid dreams and sometimes they are quite painful.
In 1997 both my Mother and I were visited by "energies" of some kind. I had many things going on my life that disturbed me, my best friend told me she was leaving her husband and moving 1000 miles away, and my sisters and I were getting ready to do a 3rd backpakcing trip on the Appalachian trail. The day before we left to pick one sister up in Charlotte at the airport I saw from the corner of my eye a man dressed in white wearing a cabana style hat. I keep just seeing this image--the next day my Mom and I were nearly killed in a car accident. She told me later she too had been seeing "someone" in the shadows. There comes a time in everyone's life they must admit they cant explain everything away. I am NOT religious and flip flop all the time about creation. But I do believe in the world of "spiritual energy" and the forces the cosmic world---and it takes many forms.

Dixxe said...

PS: for some reason your text is the same color as your Background therefore its not showing up..Maybe change the text color-